Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Card Deck of Librano Jokers

Remember the 2003 Iraq offensive when the U.S. issued a card deck of "most wanted" Iraqi acolytes?

Purely as a thought exercise, I thought I'd try to create a card deck of 52 Liberal MPs who merit defeat in this upcoming election, not on general principles but on the grounds of their own competence during this term.

So far here's what I've got:

Paul Martin, The King of Hearts. A natural of course. True, the odds of him losing his own seat are spectacularly high, but you never know.

Belinda Stronach, The Queen of Spades. Contrary to popular belief, she's not a traitor, because she didn't betray a country. She is a turncoat, however, and loyalty is not a virtue to be tossed aside lightly in politics.

Andy Scott, The Jack of Diamonds. Perhaps it's unfair that the current Indian Affairs minister has to answer for more than a decade of First Nations policy mismanagement. But that's the way the cards are dealt, sometimes.

John McCallum, The Jack of Clubs. The man sticks to his departmental talking points beyond reason, and his defence of David Dingwall, even though Dingwall is indefensible, was pretty badly handled.

Tony Valeri, The Ace of Diamonds. It was his decision to reschedule Opposition days that really doomed the current government.

Ujjal Dosanjh, The King of Clubs. Making offers that were a) refusable and b) recordable probably wasn't a good idea.

Michael Ignatieff, The Deuce of Spades. A deuce because he's not in Parliament yet, but the way he secured his nomination had no honor to it.

If people have other suggestions and ideas, by all means let me know.

UPDATE (08h37 30 Nov): Thanks to Les Mackenzie of Spider-Man's Web for making these suggestions:

Joe Volpe, The Jack of Hearts - Les would prefer adding the common name for a donkey after the Jack, of course. Volpe is nominated "for calling the entire Conservative caucus scum and not making the soundbite - among other things."

Scott Brison, The Queen of Hearts - And Les puts it quite poetically:

This queen for a day shows nothing but class
Whilst telling volunteers to go kiss his ass.
Lynn Myers, The Three of Diamonds - Les' representative for Kitchener-Conestoga, a typical Liberal backbencher. "Never heard of him? Well, hopefully we don't have to hear from him ever again after this election.

In case you're interested, Mr. Myers has a bare-bones website here. Les nominated him to be a "Queen," but I'd like to reserve face cards for those jokers who are actually in the Cabinet. Number cards from 3s to 6s are good for backbenchers because no one ever thinks about them for making a winning hand.

Thanks also to Classic Quarters for nominating the following:

Anne McLellan, The Deuce of Hearts. The deputy P.M. and Emergency Preparedness minister didn't handle disaster very well--her delayed performance during this January's tsunami, for example. Classic considers her a "two" for "always answering in 'Two Days or Two Weeks' ".

Classic originally considered Ms. Mclellan the Deuce of Clubs, but in Spider-Man's comments section, Aizlynne of Exposed Agenda prefers that Anne be upgraded to "Queen of Hearts" since she gives her heartburn. We'll compromise by keeping the deuce to reflect her relative value and changing the suit to show her effect.

Please, keep the suggestions coming in. I'd like to get a full deck ready by Election Night.