The Wit and Witticism of Canadian MPs, Part 1

As part of the workday for the Canadian House of Commons, time is alloted for individual members to make a statement. The statement can be on any subject whatsoever; the criteria is that they have to be brief.

Most statements are by backbenchers, who otherwise don't have an opportunity to distinguish themselves. They use the time to note activities of important constituents, or to announce events in their ridings, and so on. As written up in Hansard the next day, the statements can be pretty prosaic.

Occasionally, though, you can hit paydirt:

Mr. Tom Lukiwski (Regina—Lumsden—Lake Centre, CPC): Mr. Speaker, I have been looking back over the issues that have arisen in this Parliament and I have detected an interesting trend: special favours for strippers; taxpayer subsidized tattoos for convicts; and decriminalization of marijuana.

Suddenly it has become all so clear. The federal Liberals are the Trailer Park Boys of Ottawa. This explains a lot.

Our trade minister has not had much luck dealing with the U.S. on softwood lumber or beef, but a couple of years ago his department managed one significant success. It managed to enforce an anti-dumping ruling on the importation of American bingo cards. No doubt the good old boys back in the trailer park got good and cranked up about that one.

And to think most Canadians believe that Bubbles, Ricky, Julian and the rest of the gang reside in the Sunnyvale Trailer Park in Nova Scotia when they are really alive and well here in Ottawa sitting on the government side of the House.

I must remember to look at Hansard more often.