Friday, October 07, 2005

Ken Epp Award Nominee: Brian Pallister

Yep, it's finally happened. The self-proclaimed poet laureate, MP Brian Pallister, has finally earned himself a Ken Epp Award Nomination for rhetorical silliness.

Not by reciting a Vogon-level poem -- but by attempting to channel David Letterman's TV writing crew with his own Top 10 List:

Mr. Speaker, these are the top 10 Dingwall facts.

Number 10, when the Prime Minister succeeded Jean Chr├ętien, it was out with the old and in with the old.

Number nine, the Prime Minister is so far up the ivory tower he cannot see the common Canadian any longer.

Number eight, the Prime Minister looks funny defending the indefensible.

Number seven, Liberals believe that ordinary Canadians should not get severance, but Liberals should.

Number six, the Prime Minister's real spending priorities are globe trotting, golf, gluttony and gum.

Number five, when the Prime Minister has a choice, he chooses cronies over Canadians.

Number four, taxpayers should pay hush money to Liberals or else they will sue.

Number three, there are two sets of rules, one for Liberals and another for the rest of us.

Number two, to our Prime Minister this is just another ding in the wall.

And the number one Dingwall fact, Liberals believe they can get their money for nothing and their Chiclets for free.

Never mind Mr. Pallister's dubious definition of the word "facts." He's a politician, so real facts don't matter to him.

Also never mind that the adjective "Dingwall" only applies, very loosely, to six of those top 10. "Reasons Why the Prime Minister Dithers on Dingwall" would be a more appropriate title.

The problem is, Mr. Pallister expended so much of his supposed "talent" in emulating Pink Floyd the day before, that his attempt at invoking David Letterman's in-your-face, hard-edge humour only turned into a stale, flat passing of wind.