Friday, June 24, 2005

Ken Epp Award Nominee: Gerry Ritz

Mr. Ritz, the Tory MP for Battlefords—Lloydminster, uses his private member's time to clear out his inventory of political clichés (which are bolded for your recognition):

Mr. Speaker, in his usual lame duck fashion, the Prime Minister gave our leader advice on attending barbecues, but I have some advice for the Liberal and NDP leaders as they run the barbecue gauntlet this summer.

Now that the mad as hell tour is history, the Prime Minister must begin the caught red-handed tour. He pledged to wait until Canadians knew all about ad scam before his last election call. Now that they know more than he wanted them to, he will have to come clean for the next election. He will certainly want to get himself in shape for that run. Luckily, a visit to his favourite private clinic will not take long; waiting lines are for suckers. And dieting should be easy: he can eat all the crow he wants, followed by servings of humble pie, washed down by a big can of whoop-ass.

The NDP leader must go on the sorry as hell tour. It is Canadian taxpayers who will be sorry as they remember the Liberal-NDP budget disasters of the early 1970s. His dilemma: should he peddle his assets on his bike or have his chauffeur polish his Kyoto-friendly Cadillac? And of course, should he eat his magic bean budget salad with his silver spoon?

A couple of comments:

First, sarcasm never works well as an attack, only as a defense mechanism. And, as last night's budget vote showed, the Tories have a lot to be defensive about.

Second, Canadian taxpayers aren't going to think about the budget disasters of the 1970s, because that's a political generation ago. (And the Tories keep forgetting that the average voter reads "budget surplus" as "we can afford more spending" as opposed to wasting money.)

Third, apart from general standpoint principles, Don Laytone hasn't really done anything to warrant an attack, even one as weak as this. No taping of MPs, no recruiting to the Dark Side. One of the advantages of the high ground.